Responsibility

Smith took me to one side today and spoke to me in a nearby office. She said she was concerned that I wasn't adapting well to my new role, and that I was allowing squeamishness to override my desire to contribute to the research. She said that if I wanted to help people like 83, I had to be willing to make the hard choices, and do things that might seem cruel in the short term. I don't really understand how torturing 83 is helping, but I kept my mouth shut; Smith is the scientist in charge of our group, and I don't know what happens to me if she decides she doesn't want me. I must be on my last chance.

Smith put me in sole charge of 83 for the next week. The idea is that I get used to every aspect of 83's treatment, and I get over my squeamishness. I'm going to have to do things to 83 that I'm not comfortable with, but it's better than the alternative. I was told I could be kept prisoner here if I was considered a risk; I've had a lot of exposure to the mal over the previous months, and I know what would happen to me if I manifested symptoms as a prisoner. I don't want to end up like 83. At least as a scientist here, I can try to reduce the amount of suffering.